The car in front of me was waiting at a traffic sign yielding
to air passing bye. While watching the young woman with baby
stuff I remember when I was driving home from
the hospital with my son and wife for the first time
and the car couldn’t go any faster than 25 mph. When I tried
to go on the freeway the car steered it self down side streets
all the way home. I was no longer in control of anything.
This little 10 lb creature was in my car in my house but bigger than a universe
of uncertainty that was staring up at me, like he knew me, big brown eyes blinking.
Any way that’s what I thought when I saw the baby stuff in the car in
front of me waiting for air to pass bye.
As I drove off I thought of how few maps
there are for being a parent or being a baby for that matter and all
the roads that didn’t exist then that do now and how
many new homes have been built but there are less and less
jobs. Soon my son and daughter will graduate and need
one and time passes so quickly I wasn’t really scared driving home with
my daughter but it was pretty neat to see my son hold his sister in
his arms when she was 8 hours old and I am taking a picture of it. There
was no fear caught in the picture but it was constantly hiding the map I really needed
and then I would get that gut tightening feeling combined with a how did this
all happen to me to them without a map?
I began wondering, who has
time to read maps anyway? I mean I am tryin’ to get from
Point A to Point 33 and I can’t even remember where the damn map is which
would be pointless anyway because fear will hide the flippin’ thing and
by then I would be in a new neighborhood that hasn’t even been visited by a
cartographer so there aren’t any maps for where I am any how . . .
so why bother looking for one?
I have been driving to an art show where
expressions will be hanging on the wall and sculpted visions will
be displayed. And I remember that young Mother and her baby who
could end up with a drawing or picture there and how do you find a map for that?